SL 2020: Week 2 Post Game Update


Round 3 Matches:
t3c vs MP ➔ t3c won 2-0
qtz vs 1% ➔ qtz lost 0-2
|TMC| vs [BBQ] ➔ |TMC| lost 0-2
{ball} vs < Vlix > ➔ {ball} won 2-0

Round 4 Matches:
[BBQ] vs qtz ➔ [BBQ] won 2-0
MP vs {ball} ➔ MP lost 0-2
1% vs t3c ➔ 1% won 2-0
< Vlix > vs |TMC| ➔ < Vlix > won 2-0

Rank | Team | Record | Games Played W/L
1. {ball} (2-0) (4-0)
2. [BBQ] (2-0) (4-1)
3. 1% (1-1) (3-2)
4. < Vlix > (1-1) (3-2)
5. MP (1-1) (2-2)
6. qtz (1-1) (2-3)
:warning: 7. t3c (0-2) (0-4)
:warning: 8. |TMC| (0-2) (0-4)
Rank | Team | Record | Games Played W/L
1. {ball} (4-0) (8-0)
2. [BBQ] (4-0) (8-1)
3. 1% (3-1) (7-2)
4. < Vlix > (2-2) (5-4)
5. t3c (1-3) (2-6) ⇡⇡
6. MP (1-3) (2-6)
:warning: 7. qtz (1-3) (2-7)
:warning: 8. |TMC| (0-4) (0-8)
  • Teams labeled in GREEN advance to the playoffs
  • Teams marked with a secure a first round BYE in the playoffs
  • Teams marked with a :warning: and labeled in RED are in danger of being eliminated


Today we are very honored to have a special guest join us in the studio to reflect upon his Altitude career and share his wisdom. A rubber-hull acid loopy specialist and polarizing figure in the community, when asked how they would describe malacats, one Sky League captain who wishes to remain anonymous stated: “he is as dumb as a cow turd and only half as useful”. We hope this interview will clear up any common misconceptions about malacats and showcase how he is not the elaborate and possibly mentally unstable troll that many claim he is. This is his story. And it’s a story of love and friendship.

Thanks for taking time out of your busy schedule to sit down with us for a quick interview. We understand that every Sunday after Sky League has concluded, you volunteer your time and services at a local children’s hospital, so we will try to make this quick so you can attend to the terminally ill children that need you. To begin why don’t you tell us a bit of backstory about yourself, how long you have been playing Altitude, and who is your current celebrity crush?

malacats: Certainlly G00SIE! It’s great to be here. Been kicking it Alty style since '09 and am an OG gamer! Adam Goldberg is my spirit animal. For celebrities I’m a big proponent in the “top 5 list” from the TV show Friends (and also the DENNIS method from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, but that’s for another episode). The top 5 list is for guys only, since any hot chick can easily get with any hot male celebrity, so they don’t get a list. The list is an amazing concept; you get to pick your top 5 celeb crushes and if you meet them in public they are honor bound to sleep with you no questions asked, and your significant other, if any, is likewise contractually required to allow it with no retaliation of any kind. Its an amazing concept! That’s why its so important to choose wisely. You can change who is on it, but changes are to be rare and there should always be a continuity of at least 3 or so of the 5 on a rolling 12 month basis. So right now my top 5 would be:

  1. Daisey Ridley
  2. Gabrielle Aplin
  3. Amy Lee Hartzell
  4. Aubrey Plaza
  5. Erica Goldberg (Haley something IRL)

That’s a solid list and we can’t really fault you for any of those selections. Now when you first started your Altitude journey you went by the name ‘malakas’ for a long time before eventually changing to ‘malacats’ which most people today know you as. Can you explain the origin story behind your nickname?

malacats: Malakas is a Greek term. I’m balls deep in the Greek Mafia from Astoria, Queens. It means best friend. It also means stupid dumbass. It’s meant to be flattering and/or insulting. As such, it becomes dependent on context, and often times how you perceive it is a reflection of yourself more-so than it is of me. As the Alty community knows by now, I’m frequently misunderstood and complex AF.

Can you explain to the viewers what the (MAD) organization has meant to you after all these years? From what we understand its not really a clan but more like a lifestyle and we would like to hear your thoughts on this matter for the record.

malacats: Exactly! (MAD) is a clan but more-so a state of mind. an overarching philosophy (from the Greek words philos and sophia, meaning love of knowledge). Such a simple word yet so many meanings, again, depending on context. Does MAD mean anger? It could, but usually doesn’t. In the rare instances where it may, its only because I’m angry that I love all of you so much. Does it mean crazy? It could, like the word “mental” but in British slang that’s synonymous with out of this world in a good way, to an extent that’s hard to comprehend. So it means that too. Much like the Special Forces or elite pilots like those who fly the U-2 and other mission oriented concepts, we don’t always look for the best players, we look for the right players. Its about the team. Its about the community. Its about leading quietly from the shadows while making it seem to other’s that it was their idea all along. We don’t usually get credit for it because we don’t seek it. But we’re there, we’re MAD, get used to it.

Wow this is a truly a heartfelt response. I don’t see how anyone with your enlightened state of mind could be viewed as nothing more than kind and gentle soul, but unfortunately I have some news that is a bit saddening… This may be a shocking revelation to you as many of us here at Sky League HQ were absolutely flabbergasted by this statistic, but according to our estimates you have been muted in-game by roughly 43% of everyone who has ever installed Altitude on their computer ( both the standalone version and Steam release), and in fact many people have claimed that they first discovered the games mute feature because of you. The main cause of this seems to be due to your enthusiastic chat spamming whenever you enter a server. Do you feel you are being discriminated here, and if you could speak out to those that have silenced you, what would you like to say?

malacats: As Ludacris says, “Forget about the game, I’m gonna spit da truth!” but the truth is something not everyone is ready to hear. And that’s OK. There are those who play Alty under the blanket of community enrichment I provide, even as they question the manner in which I provide it. While sometimes it would be nice if they simply said “Thank you” and went on their way, not everyone can handle the truth; at least not right away. They will come to it in their own time. But what some may call “spam” is really my insistence on asking questions. I believe in asking questions, because without questions, we only have answers, and I will not stand by idly as answers go unquestioned.NOT ON MY WATCH! So back to the muting; muting is the modern day equivalent of book burning. Those who engage in it do so to protect their cherished ignorance, but the truth will find a way through. And when that day comes, I won’t gloat or boast, as it’s not about me. I’m a friend to all!

Well said my friend. Well said indeed. Let’s discuss something that is on the minds of all Sky League players at the moment. The year 2020 marks the ninth anniversary of the war in Syria, and the fifth in Yemen. Venezuela may very well become the source of the world’s largest and most underfunded refugee crisis. Lethal violence and violent crime is on the rise, affecting growing cities in an urbanizing world. And the risk of interstate conflicts and geopolitical strife has taken center stage. Society needs answers and we need them now! We are turning to you to ask one simple question: What is the answer for global peace?

malacats: While it may seem like we’re living, as the old Chinese quip states “in interesting times”, It’s important to understand that there is nothing new under the sun. Imagine living during the Roman Empire, the US Civil War, or the European Plague that killed over half of everyone and there were wagons going by daily screaming “Bring out your dead!” etc. The Great Flood, The Little Ice Age, famine, pestilence, wars and rumors of wars. We’re broken hearts living in a fallen world and there is nothing we can do to completely fix it. It must and will run its course. The war will be won regardless, though it may take a while, but we can make a difference in the daily battles we face. Be kind to one another. Love one another. That is, after all, among the greatest of Commandments. I love everyone in the Alty community especially the h8ers, even mulu. I’m still mad at Beagle for retiring in his prime, like Jordan did when he pissed away record breaking seasons to play mediocre baseball, but likewise I hope one day he will be back.
Peace in our time is as folly a dream now as it was for Chamberlain on the eve of World War 2. It’s a cycle really - good times lead to soft men, soft men lead to hard times (where we are now), hard times lead to strong men, and strong men lead to good times.

(Editor’s Note: Although Beagle did sadly retire from Altitude, you can check him out playing other games such as Warhammer, DND, and Gears Tactics on his twitch stream here: If anyone has any information as to the whereabouts of mulu please inform Brutal, there is a $$$ reward for his safe return)

Wow that is a very detailed and thorough response, we hope at least one person reading this interview will go out and be inspired to do a generous thing because of you, such as help an elderly person cross the street, or bake a pie for an orphan. As you said yourself you are a lover of lists, so to wrap things up here we thought that in honor of Women’s Appreciation Month (which was actually 2 month’s ago or something like that, but we believe women should be appreciated every month) what would be your top 5 list of female Altitude players (past or present) that you are inspired by? Also do you have any final words to say to your supporters and adoring fans ?

malacats: Oh wow that’s a challenge limiting all the great Alty ladies to only 5. Ivypaw, SkyGirl, Dani, Abs, Danielle, Cakes, Zana, ToriEra, Moxy (catfishing dood, but still he picked a smoking hot fake profile pic) and so many other great inspiring Alty ladies. And while I addressed the meaning of the ? i neglected to address the meaning of BEEP which is the ultimate social expression and manifestation of an onomatopoeia style social commentary. The BEEP alerts you to read the chat, which itself is BEEP, therefore it embodies a philosophical singularity both creating an implied question whilst at the same time answering it. Then there is LADY JAJA which is the Queen of Alty. Who is she? That’s the mystery. JAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJA is Spanish for hahahahahahahahaha but it looks better and when pronounced with the J instead of the Spanish H annunciation, it comes back around to also answer its own question. Deep AF. twss.

Well that is all the time we ha-

malacats: So to elaborate, when you hear a BEEP you ask a question (who was that, what is it?) yet the BEEP of the ? itself answers the question you asked before you even ask it. Then when the BEEP results in a BEEP, it further drives you to question the meaning…

Thank you for the inte-

malacats: which in turn eventually makes you laugh, at both yourself and the system, ergo JAJAJAJAJAJAJA coming across with a BEEP :heart: :heart:
Hot chicks pick up on all that, and they like it when guys are complex AF, especially bad boys like me.
I thought about doing an acid guide. Not the traditional tactical one per say, but more of a philosophical dissertation on it, being as that I’m the preeminent subject matter expert on it.
Who else have you interviewed?
Cause you’re Joe Rogan AF bro


WEEK 3 (June 7th @ 6PM GMT / 2PM EST)

Round 5 Map Pool: (cross, planepark, reef, antre, geometry)
Round 5 Matches:
< Vlix > vs MP
t3c vs [BBQ]
{ball} vs 1%
|TMC| vs qtz

Round 6 Map Pool: (snow, hardcourt2, mayhem2, cryptic, empire)
Round 6 Matches:
[BBQ] vs {ball}
1% vs < Vlix >
MP vs |TMC|
qtz vs t3c

Round 7 Map Pool: (cave, asteroids, ice, lostcity2, cutesy)
Round 7 Matches:
{ball} vs qtz
MP vs 1%
|TMC| vs t3c
< Vlix > vs [BBQ]

1 Like